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Dealing My Way - Emotional Pain
Am finding that there are times of the year that affect me deeply due to a loss or a first time event. But also find that people tend to be most vocal with the opinions of how I should be feeling. I do have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve and feel things so keenly. I withdraw, wallow, experience the pain and then get on with my life. I have some that understand and leave me to deal with it, I have some that don't but respect that and then there are others that feel that I should just get over it. Ultimately that last batch, whose motives are generally noble, are the ones that make it the hardest. There is a feeling of being judged, of not having my feelings validated.

"Sure, she died 11 years ago, and it was a shame that she was only 4 1/2 months, but she wasn't yours".

I may not have helped create her, but the pain I felt and still feel on the date she left us is still raw. Always will be on that date. My not being there to celebrate my little ones birthday is going to hurt. Yet again he is not yours so why not get over it. He is as much mine as if I helped create him. Parenthood is not a biological condition, it is a heart condition. That is what my 2 heart children taught me. So the pain is just as real. The loss is just as real. Nothing will ever fill the hole in my heart, my soul, that is left through her passing.  I may not be handling things the way they say I should, they believe I should, but that does not make it the wrong way. Just MY way.

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